The “What if” Monsters

I’m not the world’s most peaceful sleeper… I talk, I giggle, I’ve been told I snore (but I don’t believe it), I kick, I fidget constantly… and I can very rarely get to sleep quickly unless I am dog-assed tired. But lately there’s another obstacle stealing me away from my much needed beauty sleep… the “what if” monsters.

Here’s a rare glimpse into the neurotic side of me that is usually safely tucked away beneath the cool, calm, collected exterior that is me (yah, I can hear the guffaws already!) Lately though, I haven’t been feeling quite so cool and calm as I’d like to think I usually am. I can’t believe how quickly my time in Malaysia is winding down, and there’s so much to do still. And then once school is over and I should be on relaxation mode, the pace gets even more frenzied… my summer plans include a week’s diving in Sipadan (my favourite place on the planet), then home for about 5 weeks (including 4 weeks of last minute wedding help for Beckett in an attempt to catch up for 6 months of not being around to help with anything), and then it’s off to Brussels in early August to start my new life there. Phew! I’m exhausted already… good, perhaps I’ll sleep tonight.  But probably not.   

Engagement Ceremonies – Malaysian Style

Last weekend I was asked to participate in my friend’s engagement ceremony down in Melaka. Omar is a colleague who arrived in Malaysia in June of my first year here. Since I had not yet left for the summer holiday (actually couldn’t due to Malaysian tax requirements) I decided to “pay forward” the warm welcome I received when I first arrived in KL, and so the first first days of Omar’s Malaysian life involved tooling around KL in the little purple Tiara with me.  

Fast forward a year and a half later, and Omar discovers he needs family members to participate in his Muslim Malay engagement ceremony to Azura, his future bride. Like all of us, whose family members are on the other side of the planet, he turned to his KL “family.” So when Omar came into my classroom asking me to be a part of his ceremony, since I was his first friend in KL, I readily agreed.  

But little did I know then how hot the clothes would be! Both in fashion sense and temperature ; ) Everyday I thank my lucky stars I was born a Canadian girl. You’d think that in a county where it’s a million degrees everyday and many women choose to be covered head to toe they’d wear a fabric that’s somewhat more suitable than synthetic rayon!

The outfit I’m wearing is called a baju korong. It is the everyday dress for millions of Muslim Malay women who want to be fully covered as part of their religious practice. The baju korong consists of a a long blouse that goes down to one’s knees, over a super long skirt that should reach one’s ankles, and there’s also a todong, which is the scarf which covers the woman’s head. Fortunately, I didn’t have to cover my head, and more fortunate for Malay women very few Muslim women in Malaysia feel they need to completely cover their faces, as women in parts of the Middle East do. (again, so grateful I get to be an opinionated Canadian girl)

 Many baju korongs are beautiful… I borrowed the one I’m wearing from a friend, she called it hideous, I’m not sure I’d go that far but…  And as far as I can tell they are all made of synthetic fabric. Not fun when you’re spending the day in temperatures over 30 celcius and humidity levels are so high it feels like you’ve been wrapped up in a hot, wet blanket. Notice the clothes the men are wearing? Hmm…

Anyway, I should get down off my soapbox before I am late for my appointment at the spa! Hmm, perhaps we Canadian girls aren’t as “free” as we’d like to think?

Sisters: can’t live with them… can’t shoot ‘em ;)

This past Sunday I called home and experienced one of the worst things that can happen to someone who lives on the other side of the planet from their nearest and dearest… well almost. After doing the chit chat routine with Ma for a few minutes. It will always make me laugh that everytime we talk on the phone she asks what’s the weather like? ummm here in KL now? hot and wet. yesterday? hot and wet. tomorrow? you guessed it… hot and wet. Gotta luv her  

So after the oh-so-informative “how’s the weather?” chat, Mom jumps into something new with “I’ve got some bad news for you… Kelly(sister) was in a car accident.”  I seriously felt my heart stop and all these questions immediately enter my head: is Kel ok? is she in the hospital? am I going home? who will look after my class? can I change my plane ticket? will I stay at home? And then… I really should be a more organized teacher. Half a second later I got the “but she’s okay” part of the message, and all was well again. Thank heaven.

Here’s to you Kelbelle. Can’t wait to go skiing with you this winter when I’m home. Am so happy you and Angel weren’t hurt. Love ya heaps and heaps. But do realize this… when we’re heading up whatever mountain, I’m driving!

Here’s us tanked at this year’s Canada Day Party (to my Yankee friends, no I don’t wear my Canadian flag pin all the time!)

And here’s Kel’s little green bomb… totally totalled. I say, life is short Kelbelle, buy the VW Beetle you’ve wanted since you were 13.

Life is Good

Things are finally looking up….

Top ten things in Tamland:

1- went to the ultra-posh KL sports medicine clinic yesterday and YA-FRIGGIN-HOOO!!!! I don’t need another surgery on my 98 year old knee… yay!!!! but do need heaps of rather expensive physio that is unlikely to be covered by my crap health insurance (heaps to be said for Canada’s universal healthcare policy)

2- after procrastination of epic proportion… I have finally finished my report card comments

3- just got back from a much needed beach holiday, nothing beats sitting next to the ocean thinking about nothing and everything all at once (see above pics of Tam with cutest baby in the world Aidan and super surfer girl Devon)

4- going on a Hallowe’en Hash Harrier Run tonight with Lynn and Hot Scott, finally the gross KL haze seems to be going…. but now it’s raining again… jungle run will be slippery and muddy

5- break up diet in combination with ongoing mild stomach bug ( I know sort of icky… but whatever) kicks ass over South Beach, have now lost all the weight I gained post first knee surgery and can once again fit in to fabulous suits I had tailor-made in Colombia, just in time for recruiting season

6- have decided for certain I am NOT going to a recruiting fair but have decided to activate my file with a recruiting agency… just to see who bites

7- have booked my flight home for xmas… and special bonus, I’ll then have enough miles to fly home for free in the summer

8- heard from both a former principal and former headmaster who have agreed to be referees for my CV and various school applications… phew!

9- finally not feeling freaked out or overwhelmed by plethora of “world is my oyster” options for where I’ll land next year… am confident it’ll all be good… even if (maybe especially if) I end up landing in my “dungeon” at home 

10- I bought my own copies of season 1 and 2 of Grey’s Anatomy…. my new fav show

Offering My Fate to the Universe

I have some major decisions to make.

I find this overwhelming at times, and often wish that someone could just take over for me and decide which road I should go down. But I know that as soon as I handed over the wheel of the SS Tam (as if I even could) that I’d be jumping right back into the driver’s seat immediately.

 But here’s what I have decided…. at least for now. My philosophy is going to be to “choose the path of least resistance” and be on the look-out for signs the universe sends me. Man does that sound new-agey, but there are many times the signs were right in front of me, telling me to reconsider what I was about to jump into and I ignored them. Without fail it bit me in the ass.

 Then other times, the universe was a slippery lubricant for my endeavours. This happened the first time I decided I might want to consider this overseas gig in February of 2002. In a mere three weeks I contacted a recruiting agency, sent them my file, headed off to a job fair in Carmel, California, interviewed with a number of schools, then accepted and signed my contract to head to Colombia. Wow! Everything just fell in to place without a glitch. Then in November of 2003, after spending a week in the Amazon region of Colombia I rethought my decision to return home at the end of the school year, and then contacted the same recruiting agent. Went off to the job fair in Toronto this time, where my future headmaster just happened to sit at the same table as my then current principal. She said wonderful things about me (for which I paid her handsomely). Then within the next 24 hours, he met me, interviewed me, offered me a contract, and then asked me to be his daughter’s teacher. 6 months later I started my new life in KL.   

So I’ve decided to knock on as many doors as possible, set up as many opportunities for myself as I can, and then throw my cards up into the air and see where they land. 

And to be honest, even though at times this crazy life scares the crap out of me… I can’t wait to see what happens. Right now I have no idea where I’ll be in a year. Will I be in KL? Will I be teaching grade 5? Will I be teaching at all? Will I be in Canada? In the UK as previously desired? Somewhere else?   

But now my big hurdle is… is the agency’s $225 CND fee (which includes entry into a fair, when I really have no desire to go to one this time around) a sign from the universe? I had expected to pay about half this fee to post my CV with them and get access to their job postings.

Hmmm…. what to do?

Carol Shield’s Unless

This morning I just finished reading Carol Shield’s Unless and have to briefly share my favourite part before heading off to breakfast… before friggin’ going in to school on a bloody Saturday (which also happens to be the first day of our Hari-Raya Holiday!) to finish report cards : (

“Unless is the worry word of the English language. It flies like a moth around the ear, you hardly hear it, and yet everything depends on its breathy presence. Unless – that’s the little subjunctive mineral you carry along in your pocket crease. It’s always there, or else not there. (If you add a capital s to unless, you get Sunless, or Sans Soleil, a very odd Chris Marker film.)

Unless you’re lucky, unless you’re healthy, fertile, unless you’re loved and fed, unless you’re clear about your sexual direction, unless you’re offered what others are offered, you go down in darkness, down to despair. Unless provides you with a trapdoor, a tunnel into the light, the reverse side of not enough. Unless keeps you from drowning in the presiding arrangements… Unless is a miracle of language and perception… It makes us anxious, makes us cunning. Cunning like the wolves that crop up in the most thrilling fairy tales. But it gives us hope.”

Not sure I can articulate fully why or how this touched me. But it did.